Friday, April 26, 2013

Don't Try

I had a conversation with a female friend who recently got back together with her on-again off-again boyfriend. We were talking about something unrelated and she volunteered that her relationship was no longer making her happy. Her complaints basically amounted to being tired of the poor guy. The money line was: "He really has been trying hard...I just want more out of a guy." 

The funny thing is, when they weren't together all she would talk about was being with him, how happy he made her, and how they were made for each other. The man is obviously not a natural but is giving his all to make it work. And she despises him for it. The conclusion for any rational person has to be this: Don't "try" to make relationships work with girls. They won't appreciate it and they will detest you for bending to their will

"Be yourself" is usually terrible advice, but it's somewhat applicable to testing someone for relationship potential. Stay with me here. If a man is dating a girl he really likes, his first impulse is to make exceptions for her. Instead of watching the game on Sunday, he agrees to go to brunch with her. Instead of going out with the boys, he takes her to dinner and the art museum. 

Logic would dictate that sacrificing your time and friendship for the sake of a relationship should be enough to satiate a reasonable person. On the contrary, this policy of appeasement will erode away the respect your partner has for you. They. Always. Want. More. Patrice O'Neal used to compare it to negotiating with terrorists.

Your best bet is to get a girl accustomed early on to your natural level of commitment, your ability to devote free time to her, and your willingness to put up with her level of crazy. Once she starts insisting you make progressively bigger sacrifices for the sake of "the relationship," you must reconsider whether the arrangement is still adding value to your life.

1 comment:

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